ISLANDERS SUDDENLY REALISE THAT ROADS ARE A BIT SHIT

A driver experiences minor road issues this morning.

The JEP are once again the saviours of the Island by drawing people’s attention to the bloody obvious. Adrian Rabet from St Lawrence said

"It dawned on me this morning when I was reading the JEP that perhaps I shouldn’t be standing on the pavement ankle deep in rainwater and raw sewage whilst I waited for the Number 27 to St Helier."

Siobhan, a mother from St Mary, complained that she’d had to abandon her nearly new Range Rover after attempting to drive through what she thought was a puddle on La Grande Route de St Jean (to intentionally soak some Haute Valle students) but which turned out to be 4ft wide and 6ft deep pot hole.

“Anything could have happened, I barely got Tarquin and Melinda out of the back seat before the front of the car went under water. And we were near the Zoo; there could have been fucking crocodiles in there!”

Cyclists are fairing little better. James, who cycles regularly to work, told us that he had noticed a marked deterioration in the roads.

“I didn’t mind a bit of rough terrain a couple of years back, but it’s like an off-road challenge getting into town now.  I can’t even be bothered any more after the seat got rammed up my arse doing a 360° off the ramp at the bottom of Beaumont Hill.”

He is not holding out much hope for quick repairs though.

“The Japanese rebuilt some of their Highways two weeks after the Tsunami, whilst their infrastructure was screwed and there was a nuclear meltdown going on. It took months for the States to rebuild about 10 foot of the sea wall after the 2010 storms. Even then Guy du Faye had to stick his name on it in big fuck off letters.”

TTS were having a break when we called for a quote. All fourteen times.