[*Delete as appropriate]
Dust off your [barbecue/ husky sled]!
Local meteorologists were astounded today that we might actually be having some really [hot/cold] weather that is different to the usual [cold/hot] weather that we have every time this year.
This weather may in fact be the [hottest/coldest] type of weather since records began sometime in the [1800s/mid-sixties].
It is so [hot/cold] in fact that some Jersey cows have [spontaneously combusted/ started producing ice cream].
It is likely to get even [hotter/colder] later in the month with temperatures expected to reach [1740.0 °C/ absolute zero].
Forecaster, Jeremy Foot, said: "We will see a [lovely day/blizzard] today; temperatures should reach a point where [the pavement melts/ your testicals freeze and fall off].
[Insert generic weather forecast picture drawn by a child]:
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